This weekend we celebrate another commercial holiday, one that I find hard to cope with, Mother’s day.
After losing my mum, this day can sometimes leave me feeling quite sad and a little empty. It sometimes leaves me wondering what our relationship would be like today if she was still with us. Sometimes on the better days, I reminisce about all the fun we shared.
Depending on how I am feeling in the week running up to mother’s day or on the day itself I can feel lots of different emotions about it, angry, sadness, happiness, indifferent, and dare I say normal, or ‘normalish’. I guess that’s grief for you, you never know how you’re going to feel about something and the emotions surrounding grief are very unpredictable.
This year I must admit that I am finding it especially hard. With any commercial holiday every year seems to get a little bit bigger, Christmas and Easter seem to start earlier with each passing year and the Mother’s day advertising for this one seems to upped a level and been non-stop since February 15th! It’s everywhere on social media and the isles of my local supermarket have been crammed with cards and presents. All of it feels like a bit of a slap in the face as it serves as a very harsh reminder that I don’t have a mum to buy for.
I don’t want this post to come across like ‘I don’t have a mum and it’s not fair!’ as that isn’t the angle I am going for. This post is a bit of an outlet for my feelings and to share these with you all and maybe someone reading this who may be in the same shitty boat as me can relate.
If she was here I would be like everyone else I know, buying that perfume she loved or buying a bunch of her favourite flowers. We would also be spending the day together as we were the ultimate partners in crime. I like to think that we would be going out for a nice afternoon tea where we would eat a lot of cakes and drink a glass or two of prosecco.
I know that I am not the only person in the world who has lost their mum and I know for many people in the same old shitty boat as me, mothers day can be very hard, especially with the bonus of good old social media with Facebook and Instagram posts popping up every so often and reminding you of what you have lost throughout the day.
There are a few things I do to help me cope with Mother’s day and I’ll share them with you for people that may need to follow them.
Have a 24-hour social media break
This might be a hard one as we are constantly on different social platforms, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram but trust me you don’t want to see the out pore of love that everyone posts, don’t get me wrong they are all lovely, but I have actually cried after I have done a casual Sunday morning Facebook scroll. So just don’t do it to yourself. Give someone your phone if you have too.
Make some plans for the day
So this one can be a bit tricky, as most people are busy with their families but in the past, I have been very lucky as my friends have taken me out to the cinema in the evening or have taken me out for the day. One year my cousin came down and spent the weekend with me and we had so much fun it took my mind off things and made the day less painful.
Sometimes if it is nice weather I’ll go for a nice walk with my boyfriend and his dog, which sometimes involves a roast dinner in a nice country pub.
Write her a letter
I got this idea from a magazine article I read years ago, it was about children who had lost parents and as a way of keeping in touch with them, teachers and counsellors would encourage them to draw pictures or write to them, like they were a kind of pen friend.
As soon as I read this I thought it was a great idea, I bought myself a fancy notebook and each year around her birthday or mother day or at a time when I need to share stuff I write a letter to her. It’s my way of feeling a connection to her and sharing my secrets that I can’t tell anyone or just to check in. I find it really helps me as It feels like a part of her is still here with me.
Whatever your situation I hope you all have a good day on Sunday. I hope this post hasn’t been too sad. I hope it encourages people who are grieving to talk about their mums, nans, aunts, sisters, friends and nieces or any loved one who is no longer with us.
I would love you to share a nice memory about them in the comments below.
Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on the next one xx